When I Knew The S**t Had Hit The Fan

Missy Higgins “Where I stood” is playing on the radio as I sit crying in my 4 door mom car.

I had just dropped the kids off at school

and started up the car to go. Her voice started “I don’t know who I am without you…all I know is that I should.”

I let the car idle, and sit hunched over the wheel. Tears come rolling and my only thought is “she is me”.

I let the song finish, and call the radio station. The D.J. actually picks up and I ask her what song it is. She answers, and through my sobs I say:

“Who is she?

She is singing my life. I think I need to leave my marriage, thank you.”

Twelve years later, I listen to the song. Again tears come, but this time gently, slowly and with a melancholic sadness, but without the sting. They still ring true and she still portrays so perfectly the pain of knowing that things must change and it will hurt everyone. But now on the other side, she does love him more than I could.

Not more than when I married him, I was deeply in love, but, more than I could moving forward.